WHAT IS

EXTREME SOCIAL CONTROL?

My family pressures me a lot. They constantly tell me how bad of a girl I am. If I misbehave, for example, if I’m seen with boys, they will send me abroad.
— Girl, 17
 
 

Do your parents dictate your free time? Do they control your mobile phone and laptop? Do they decide what clothes you can wear? Is the control so extreme that it hinders you from having friends, doing homework, enjoy your hobbies, and rest?

It is normal for parents to set boundaries for their children as part of their upbringing. However, in some cases, parents may impose completely unreasonable restrictions. Some people may experience such strong control that it violates their rights according to the Convention on the Rights of the Child and Norwegian law.

Extreme social control refers to the supervision, pressure, threats, and coercion exerted to ensure that you live in accordance with your family or group's norms and values. This control is characterized by its systematic nature and may violate the individual's rights according to the Convention on the Rights of the Child and Norwegian law. 

The reason why your family subjects you to extreme social control can stem from concerns about facing gossip and rumors within their community. They may also worry about losing their social standing if their children do not behave "properly." This control can extend across borders, for example, exerted by relatives residing in other countries through social media.

 

Extreme social control can have severe psychological consequences. You may experience feelings of depression, hopelessness, and loneliness. Therefore, it is important to seek help and support.

The rights of every individual are protected by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the Convention on the Rights of the Child, and Norwegian law. Below you will find a simplified version of the Children Act:

§31: From the age of 7, parents should listen to what the child has to say before making decisions for the child. The child's opinions should be given weight according to their age and maturity. From the age of 12, significant weight should be given to the child's views.

§32: From the age of 15, the child has the right to decide independently on their choice of education and to join or leave organizations and religious communities.

§33: As the child grows older, they should be given increasing responsibility and autonomy until they reach adulthood.

You can read more about your rights in the dropdown menu below.

You have rights

  • Parents are not allowed to hit their children. They are also not allowed to threaten, yell at, or say mean things to their children that make them scared and upset.

    Both physical and psychological abuse is illegal. Psychological abuse can occur when someone says demeaning and hurtful things to you, often or all the time. They might say that you are dumb, incompetent, worthless, etc. Often, you may start believing it yourself because you hear it frequently. Psychological abuse can also involve threatening someone you care about or threatening to spread rumors about you to others. Extreme social control often resembles psychological abuse.

  • You have the right to privacy and respect for your personal identity. This also applies where you live. It means that you get to decide how much information you want to share with your parents about your private life. Therefore, your parents should not snoop into your personal belongings like your mobile phone, monitor you, or dictate the person you want to become. You are allowed to have secrets and talk to your friends without others interfering. Parents and guardians have a responsibility for your safety, so they can only interfere with your privacy and personal space if they have reason to believe that you might be in situations that are dangerous or harmful to you.

    If your parents check your mobile phone or violate your privacy in any other way, it may be helpful to talk to them about it and ask for their reasoning. These conversations can be difficult to have, but they are important so that you can find solutions together. You can also seek guidance from organizations such as the Family Counseling Office (familievernkontoret) to help facilitate such conversations. You can also discuss with us at the Red Cross helpline about how to approach and resolve this situation.

  • You have the right to play, leisure, and rest. This doesn't mean that you can be out as late as you want or avoid helping with household chores. However, it should be ensured that you also have time to rest, play, and engage in leisure activities such as dancing and football.

    Participating in leisure activities often comes with costs, but municipalities have a responsibility to provide free options in your area.

  • In Norway, the legal age for religious freedom is 15. This means that you can choose to join or leave a religious community when you reach the age of 15. You have the right to change your beliefs or choose not to believe in anything. You also have the right to seek more information about other beliefs in order to form an opinion.

    After you turn 15, you also have the right to choose which school you want to attend and which educational path you want to pursue.

  • No one is allowed to harm or exploit your body. It is also not allowed to spread false information about you that is hurtful or offensive.

    Until you reach the age of 12, it is your parents or guardians who decide whether you should see a doctor, psychologist, or other healthcare professionals, and they also determine the treatment, medication, and vaccines you receive. Your parents or those providing you with help should explain what kind of assistance you are receiving and why. You also have the right to be heard and listened to in such situations.

    In some specific situations, there may be grounds for not informing your parents that you are receiving help from healthcare professionals.

    You can ask healthcare professionals for information on when it is possible to receive help without your parents knowing, and what kind of help you can get.

    Between the ages of 12-16, information should not be given to parents or others who have parental responsibility if, for reasons that should be respected, you do not want them to know.

    Once you are over 16 years old, you are legally entitled to make decisions about your own health. You can decide whether to change your general practitioner or psychologist.

    If you need more information about this, ask a trusted healthcare professional.

  • Discrimination or harassment based on sexual orientation or gender identity is not allowed. Harassment can include actions or expressions that are done to offend or humiliate others, such as kicking, spitting, and insults. This also applies to racist actions and expressions.

PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL CONSEQUENCES OF EXTREME SOCIAL CONTROL

Extreme social control can have consequences for individuals’ emotional, physiological, cognitive, and social development. The consequences vary greatly from person to person, and it is possible to seek help in managing patterns and reactions that have emerged. If you identify with any of the following, reach out to someone you trust, such as a school nurse, minority advisors, or friends. Alternatively, you can call the anonymous Red Cross helpline.  

PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCES

  • Fatigue and exhaustion

  • Disrupted sleep patterns

  • Weakened immune system

EMOTIONAL

  • Fear or daily anxiety

  • Sadness and depression

COGNITIVE

  • Memory loss and forgetfullness

  • Decreased concentration and learning ability

SOCIAL

  • Loneliness and isolation

  • Low self-esteem

  • Feeling ashamed and guilty even when you have done nothing wrong

  • Difficulty setting boundaries with others and oneself